Where Do I Exist?
The complications of growing up mixed, and how it plays into the performance of race in society.
I remember the way I used to feel during suburban summers. Walking around with blaring heat, every visit to the grocery store yielded bliss in the form of a frozen treat.
My worries were very slim. I lived in the suburbs of the larger city San Jose, CA. Economically speaking, it contains a plethora of upper-middle class tech industry folks. Racially speaking, it is majority white people. It’s something that I never really considered while younger, but growing up I’ve realized it’s morphed the way I see myself.
I am what is called Hapa. It’s the word for describing a mixed-person who is half white and half asian. My father is white and was born in the U.S; my mother is filipino / hawaiian and born in the Philippines. This is what I am ethnically, but racially is an entirely different story.
I considered myself white-passing as a kid. Most of the people who went to my primary schooling were white and from around the neighborhood. They saw me as white for the main reason that the majority of people around us were white. With my dad being white, I figured I got some stronger physical genes from my dad.
The day I realized my race was more complex than merely “white-passing” is burned into my memories. I was exiting a…
